i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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