Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
