I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
