dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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