I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
