He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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