He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
