I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
