Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
