I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
