woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
