Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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