either way he was missing a nipple.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
