ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
