she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
