Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
