my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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