just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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