:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
