I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
