Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
