Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
