Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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