Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
