I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There's always time for handjobs
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
