ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
