Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
