I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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