Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize