what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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