i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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