call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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