dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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