i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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