I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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