Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
