well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
