Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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