have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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