I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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