I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
