Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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