youre lurking in front of me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
