Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
