Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
only if we run a train.
done.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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