I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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