Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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