I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
