She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
