what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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