Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
