I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
