If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
