need another drink. this is the easiest way
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
