U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
