Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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