Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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