Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
