you guys were way drunker than both of me
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
