Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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