my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
