i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
