Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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