I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
